life is short

My Birthday

2011-09-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, 21 years ago i was born to the world.

Today i am officially 21. With all the wrinkles.

Anyways, i did not blog here to brag about how old i am now.

I'm here to show off how great His blessings are.

Yesterday afternoon my dear friends namely Ah Tiaw and Audrey called and sang me a birthday song when i was working halfway in office.

Unexpected and very cute :) Love u guys:* xoxo

Last night, after work i went home cleaned up and went to pick my another dear friend, Evon.

We were supposed to have dinner together with my mom and baby sis at Chef At Home but it was closed.

So we went to Westwood instead.

Lucky guess: it was closed too.

So we went to Basaga instead.

After having my dinner, my sis went to the toilet to meet her partners in crime.

they all appeared before my eyes 3 minutes later, bearing gifts and boobs and other spare parts.

The short one,tall one,fat one, skinny one, muscular one..... u name it.

I was overwhelmed with happiness i was lucky i didnt faint.(nahthispartisnottrue)

I was very thankful at that moment.

We switched table to a more comfy and quiet room.

Talked laughed and gossiped.

Oh i forgot to mention these criminals' names:(alphabetically)

Bong Kae Bin

Ambrose Loh

Ivan Kho

Kaka Chai

May Chong

Samantha Sim

Yes i have great friends don't envy me.

Maybe God thinks i need these friends.

Anyways, Evon darling left early with her husband.

Kill joy but i appreciate her presence even though it was short.

After my "speech", lots of hugging and some snapping we went home respectively.

Reached home, talked to dad and mom seriously.

Then this rascal named Arlene called me at 12am and ya know what?

She was actually outside my house with his big brother Aron planning to drag me outta the house and spray me some good champagne.

Epic failed but that was really unexpected.

Good sport tho :P

They left around 1.20am.

Earlier this afternoon, due to my keys being in left in the office, i was at my uncle's house during working hour.

Guinevere aka Gweny(inicknamedherthat) brought me out for lunch.

And now i am somehow blogging in the office to express my gratitude to all these crazy people that i usually hang out with.

For their hard work, effort and most importantly, they hearts, yes jantung mereka in celebrating my birthday.

This is a very memorable event of my life.

After all, how many times can u turn 21 and get a key in your life?

ps: will post some pictures once i get a hold of them. Maybe the video too.

ps 2: i kinda expected the basaga surprise coz there were many signs and they were TOO quiet

365 photography project

2011-07-14T19:02:00.001-07:00

I'm back into photography!
Yay!
I'm starting my 365 photography project today,
which some people might not understand why is it called 365.
The reason its called that way is that a person snaps pictures
around every day for a year(365 days) to make use of their camera,
to sharpen their skills and for what ever reasons they are doing it for.
I for one is to keep my camera from aging and
rusting in the corner of my room*wiping dust off of camera bag.
And also to see if i can get better at it.
I find my pictures boring and flat.
Let us see how good can i get 365 days later.

Anyways, i will post my photos taken here:
http://wendeesigner.deviantart.com/

And maybe some exceptionally nice ones here if i have the time.
Do drop by deviantart, create an account and drop comments.
Which of course if you have the time for it.

So, wish me luck:)

Stress! All about the money

2011-06-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

Why do you go to work? Why do i?
Simple, coz i need money. We all do.
But the thing is, sometimes that reason wears off.
and i just stare into space sometimes and cant help thinking what am i working for besides for the money's sake?
do i really wanna stay like this forever?
but its all still too soon to tell.
I have big dreams but it seems far from where i am right now.
Hope i can be there some day,sometime soon.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2011-01-26T20:35:00.000-08:00

Chinese New Year is NEXT WEEK!
Sadly I just started to GET the mood of it.
This year I'm not going anywhere else except being at home and serve guests.
That is if anybody's coming cos its been a while we celebrate CNY at home really.

Anyways, to all who read this,I wanna wish you Happy Chinese New Year.
And umm, watch what you eat and drink.
I know not all of you mind earning KGs,
but I'm sure all of you'd mind
taking medicines 3 times a day...*smile sheepishly

May all your wishes come true, and get more Angpao everyone.
I feel old enough to not receive any Angpao but still... Hehehe I want some.*wink

2011 it is

2011-01-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

Yes i've been MIA for a few months.
Though not totally off the face of earth but still.... I've been busy folks aye:)

Just a quick update:)
Here's a few things I've been up to the whole time i went missing:

It was my last semester in college, wanted to treasure every moment of it because I'm not so sure if I'll ever get my degree
Learned photography and picked up digital art(bought a Wacom tablet for the occasion)
Been active in Twitter and Facebook, recently Deviantart.
Hit the gym
Trying to lose fat
Teaching art during the weekends at Mr Greg's
Started my internship on 24th Dec 2010 - present @ Vectors Design at Jalan Song

Below are the links of the sites that I've been active in this few months:
http://wendeesigner.deviantart.com
http://twitter.com/wendeeisme
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=761706597

Feel free to check them out:)

New year resolutions?
Nah.... More like goals instead.
To finish my internship a.s.a.p. coz i cant stand being stuck in this smelly office any longer.
Next would be to upgrade my immune system:)
To get closer to God
And to improve myself in art and photography.

Hope i can achieve all that.
BTW,Happy New Year to all!!!(though its a lil late but still...)

Til then.

Shoot Here and There

2010-08-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

This morning i sent mom, dad and sis to the airport.
It was too early for them to board so i stayed and chatted.
I brought my DSLR along so i snapped few shots to fill the spare time.
Sis and mom were my models... Hahaha
Here we go:
And so they took off.
Where to? KL. They too loved shopping.
I'm staying in Kuching coz i just went there last month and spent money.
Plus i just bought my DSLR so i don't wanna spend more.

Oh! Let's not forget May stopped by when i got home.
She brought me something and she explored my DSLR a lil' bit.
Helped her with a church activity's project-shirt design.
I shot a bit before helping her.

So i'm going to sleep now and hit the gym tomorrow morning.
Till then, nites everyone!

Testing testing....

2010-08-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

I just got my DSLR.
Canon EOS 550D with EF 18-55mm IS; didn't upgrade my lens though.
But I think its enough for now. Upgrades later:)

Below are some test shots

Rest In Peace

2010-08-05T04:43:00.000-07:00

He walked in the dark,to somewhere he can find peace. The night cool breeze blew toward his face as cars passed by. "Its the last time" he thought. Tears rolled down his cheeks without his permission, as pain stroke again and again in his heart, guilt licked his burning chest,faces played over and over in his mind, all the things he could have had if only his dad was around, and his mom a bit more responsible, and his grandma not paralyzed, if only his former classmate's mom didn't tricked them and scammed his grandma's savings, if only he wasn't a product of his real parents affair, if only he was still studying, if only his leg didn't hurt.... so many if only. "I'm here" he thought,such a short journey. Took a last look around,he carefully approached the handle,climbed up with his stuff in bag, clinging to his shoulder and over his chest. "Goodbye mom, goodbye my sweet girlfriend, goodbye my friends, goodbye uncle, goodbye teachers, goodbye dad, goodbye GRANDMA..."guilt stroke him so much stronger this time around, as he muttered goodbyes. He raised his head and looked at the sky for the last time,the stars... He looked down to face the dark liquid, so deep and far, he didn't know where he's gonna end up. He felt the midnight air for 1 last time, greedily filled his lungs with air,"goodbye world..." 1 last teardrop rolled down his cheek, as he faced down and... he jumped.

Wherever you are Alan, seek God with all your heart, hope to see you someday. Rest in peace.

Its been a pleasure

2010-07-15T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all.
It has been a while since i blogged.
This post is dedicated to all the good things in my life.

Well, not just the good things, but also the bad things that brought good things into my life:)

Here we go:

1st and foremost would be my only God! Lord JC rules!!!

Next, my family. My crazy yet responsible parents and my naughty yet understanding(sometimes) sister.

My friends, i will not list out your names 1 by 1 coz that would be painful to bear for certain people. shhhhh....!!! hehehe

To my muses - Jesus Christ and Agnes Monica. You guys inspire me a lot:) the patience and wisdom.

The people that came and left, helped me grow and learn more about life.

The people that once looked down at me and wanted me to fall and fail,thanks so much. Your opinions made me realize that i gotta keep fighting to make my dreams come true no matter what.

The bitch that made my life miserable? Yeah i guess i gotta thank you too since you helped destroy our lives and now we can start everything all over again and given the opportunity to prove to the world that nothing is impossible in God.

Those are pretty much all...
I do hope to find the 1 last thing though... The trust i once had in men.
I know not all men are the same. But i can't help but wonder,won't they stop making excuses and learn to control themselves? Hmmm... Let us pray for that:)

Exam's over!!! More art!!!

2010-04-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

Finally exam's over!
Though i didn't do well but i think I'll pass.

More time for art now! Yay!Tomorrow working... Working on Sunday as well.
But I'll still spend some time with family.
Hope i can go to the PC fair tomorrow or Sunday maybe?Gotta get earphones or headphones.
Need some time to really listen to music.

Oh btw, i just booked tickets for my family and myself to go visit their friends, in Jakarta.
Hope we get along well, i mean me myself with the rest of them.
I noticed I've been rather cold for a while.
Not that I'm boring but i just haven't made any new friends or catch up with old ones.
So I'm just gonna go there and hang out. HANG out. XD
After making the previous 2 banners I'm hit with these ideas.
Check out the rest of it:

Care to comment? Would love to know what do you think.
Thanks:)

Dedicated to Arlene Babe

2010-04-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

No matter how bad you are doing in your exam;
or your life, always remember you have friends.
And that is when you know who are your true friends.
Friends are always there, during the worse and better times.

So i'm trying to cheer you up with this lil artwork i spent time making in the middle of my revision.
Hope you like it:)Love ya!

banner 1

banner 2

FML~ LOL

2010-04-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

Okay so Lc's been saying this shit-FML, for 2 weeks i think.
I finally checked it out, and created an account.
Its just for fun.
But i'm not gonna expose my username here. Hehehe...

Feel free to check it out.
It's funny and true.
Except when it happens to you.
Some people really sucked and deserved it tho.
No pun intended.
LMAO

click this to visit the site
http://www.fmylife.com/

Randomnesss!!!

2010-02-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

Tweet!

Tweet Tweet!

Tweet Tweet Tweet!

Tweet!
Tweet Tweet!

Tweet Tweet Tweet!
Tweet Tweet!

Tweet Tweet!

Tweet!

Questions;Hopes;Life

2010-02-09T06:16:00.000-08:00

Helllllooooo!!!!!!
Wonder why i haven't blogged? If i got tired and lazy to update?
Don't be. I was just busy and my internet connection ain't that good.
Anyways, all these while i was just busy living.
I have a life you know.

A lot of things happened while i was idle.
Changes in decisions and most importantly i'm one step closer to graduation.
GRADUATION means a lot to me.
Well,not that much but it means 2 things:
1.I'm finishing soon!
2.I'm finishing soon?!
I can't wait to get out of college so i can earn money. And i'm also nervous about it.
Mainly because i don't know how the outside world works and also i don't know where to begin.

But still... there are actually positive things happened as well.
Like.................
I really am trying to lose weight.
Efforts been put in and this time i'm not alone.
My friends in college are with me in this.
After 4 weeks of:

Gym
Oat(twice a day)
NO rice
PLENTY of water
Sit up and push up
Weight lifting

I managed to lose 2 kg.
I know it's not much but it's a start.
At least i know i'm doing it right without skipping meal.

I'll be away for 5 days from Feb 14 to 18.
Will post something up after that.
Till then, an early wish for y'all
Happy Chinese New Year!!!

New Moon spoiler to those who haven't watched

2009-11-27T23:43:00.000-08:00

Been hanging out a lot with my babe lately.
Went to MBO on 26th Nov, last Thursday which is the date of the first premier of New Moon in Malaysia.
With my sis, babe and her bro and her friends.
Okay so here goes

The movie starts off with the dream where Bella sees her old self.

* * *

So it wasn't as exciting and beautiful as we read and "seen" in the book.
Personally i think its a lil boring and lame and quiet coz it seems like the producers tried to fit the whole book into the movie by cutting off many parts of the meaningful dialogs.
And i find that very annoying. the werewolf transformation was okay but a lil too cartoon.
Things get more annoying when the audience make unnecessary sound like "wooo"; "aaarrr"(at The wrong parts of the movie) etc.

Okay so there are good parts though.
Like where Edward pushed Bella and Jasper away with a WHOOSH! impact.
And the part where Jacob tries to convince Bella that he won't be treat her the way Edward did.
Plus, the part where Victoria runs away from Jacob and his pack.
Also the Volturi part.

Overall, 2 stars is my rating.
Coz the video quality is better this time tho.
The lighting and sounds are nice.
And the cast are okay.

Chilling...

2009-11-17T23:45:00.000-08:00

Supposedly doing my assignment but i remembered this tagging thingy so post it up here:)

Five things i can't live without:

cellphone
sunglasses
mp3
eyeliner
pouch(pretty much contain stuff i need)

Four things i need:

diet
pimples go away
hair growth speed up
peace

Three people/s i love:

Lord Jesus Christ
Family
Recent hang-out-alot-with friends

Two things i learned:

Realistic society
people are Materialistic + Plastic

One thing i want:

BLACKBERRY BOLD 9700

i was tagged orally today by a friend so decided to post it up here.
i would like to tag a few people as well.
below are the ones being tagged:

Audrey the 2nd
Arlene
Dolly
Guinevere
Henree Ting
Ice
Sally
Samantha Chin

Chill, you're tagged coz i wanna know more about you so no big deal ok?
If you dislike being tagged and don't wish to post it in your blog it's totally up to you, no pressure:)

What I'm listening to?

2009-10-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

One Step Away by Elisa

One step away
from all I want
and I know it's all here

afraid to move
afraid to choose
afraid of my own fear

of times when I may not be strong
places where I may not belong

but I hold on
to this feeling
that stands above all feelings
tellin' me not to let go

and I live on
this feeling
the greatest of all feelings
tellin' me not to grow cold

please help me get through
and let me in you

Classes

2009-10-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

4 more weeks to go
then study break
then exam
then.......
HOLIDAY!!!!

Yahoo!

SHOPPING DAYS!!!!
Shopping season...
Xmas present shopping...

Can't wait to finish all assignments
On diet plan now.
Jog in the park at least 3 times a week
Cut down the amount of food intake
No more rice, fried food, oily food;
No soft drinks!
Take calcium magnesium tablets
Vitamin C
+ garlic tablets
hopefully can lose 5 kg by December

You know what?
I think I can
I think I will
I know I can
I know I will!!!
Self esteem;
confident la!

Just need to break my own record again and again in order to reach my goal:)

Thank God for creating Air and Water!
And 100+ hahaha!!!

o_O

Update:
Lost 1.5 kg in 3 weeks

hihihihihihi:)

See me see you

2009-08-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

I saw her, him, her and him.

They are so beautiful.

What's more beautiful than their appearances is their hearts.
They care, they do charity, and they are warm.

They are some of the chosen angels that God loves.

I wish them well.
God bless.=)

Not part of the plan

2009-08-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

1st day of class

very bored and tired
coz burdened with the worries
not very worried but just not very happy
depressed and sad

so so emo now...~

new day new challenge

2009-08-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

new semester is coming...
class starts on Monday...
can't say I am not happy.
Happy coz I can finally meet my friends
but unhappy coz I can't sleep later... huhu
well, another reason is I am kind of worrying what will happen to my parents while I am not around.
because when I am not with them, neither is my sister too
She will be facing SPM soon so I want her to focus on her studies.
No other than that.
And umm....

My parents been arguing for sometime now.
just hope things get back to normal.
as for the bitch, I hope the case will be solved soon.
So I can face her ugly face with my pretty round butt.
LOLX!!! XD 0_O

anyway, I hope things will work among my family members, and school, work, religion, financial and friends plus health.

1 more day to go.
and I'll be back to college in no time!
cheers!!!

just a bad-bitch day i had and a message for all TRUE and well mannered ladies

2009-08-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

",,1,," that's all you can do?
Seriously you could only kick me?
Oh yeah I forgot you are one fat whore that sneaks around asking guys to fuck you.
So desperate that you even need to watch porno with guys you barely knew just to ask them to have sex with you.
Seriously you are so bitchy!
You are like the bitchiest slut among the whores in the world!!!
I feel so sorry for your son and as for your husband, i truly respect him for his determination to accuse others while he knew all along that you fuck other men for fun and money.
I salute him for his patience for putting up with your slutty and sick habit of telling everyone he COULD NOT SATISFY you.
Aren't you afraid what might happen to your son? Poor kid how is he ever going to face the world that his mom having affair with other people's men out there for satisfaction and money.
Few of his friends might be kids of some of the men that fucked you!
Yucks! Sickening! Gross!
Well for all we know, you are a sick and slutty psychopath!
Sue me? Oh please be my guest and we'll see how many witness backing me up while you lose your name, money and everything!
I never wanted to curse anyone but you're the first FEMALE species if you're even human.

Ladies, if you happen to fall in love or have a crush on some guy, make sure he is SINGLE, not married or whatever yells "SOLO"
If he's not, kill your thoughts and stop seeing him if that's what it takes to forget about his existence.
Trust me you do not want to be hated by his significant half or worse, his gf/wife's army.
This message is important, it's for your own good!

COUNTDOWN

2009-08-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

12 more days to go

before school starts again

Just hope I am still gonna go for them =(

Something happened few days ago...
It made my parents think that I should quit~

And go learn makeup at Maison Monica
swt"'
I don't like that

REALLY

VERY

TOTALLY
don't like that!

Analyse

2009-08-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

Maybe i was just too free
So that's what i did
Self analysis...

Huhu~
Well, i just thought of things that happened in my life so far...
The BIG ones la...
The good ones and the bad ones.

Turned out i get to know myself a lil bit more.
Just a lil bit la not much
Found my biggest mistake.
Know what it is?

I...

Confide in the wrong people too easily...

I'm sure a lot of you agree.
I've always try to see the good in people instead of the bad parts.
I wanna believe most people are just good that they broke the rules and crossed the line only because they were desperate..
See, that's where i was wrong.
People make mistakes and learn from the mistakes and grow up.
But i just keep making the same mistake, confide in the wrong people.
Maybe it's time for me to change.
Take a chance and blow it away.

2009-07-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

SO.....
It's holiday...
I'm a bit bored...
I know most people enjoy holidays but I just don't...
I like to be busy...
Or to pretend like I'm busy just so I can stay at home alone.(not always k)
Teehee~
Well I am not that busy I'm just a bit preoccupied.
I mean being a driver and all that.
Though I don't have classes but I can't relax either.
I have to wake up like 8 something in the morning, have breakfast with my parents and send them off to my uncle's house.
Later I get to go home and enjoy solitude for a few hours till 12 something(usually), then there are things I have to do like the following:
1.pick my mom, bring her home to shower
2.send her back to uncle's house
3.go home do some chores
4.pick my mom from uncle's she wanna follow me when I pick my sis(3.10pm)
5.go to my former secondary school to pick my sis
6.send my mom back to uncle's
7.reach home around 3.40pm(finally)
8.get the laundry
9.pick my parents from uncle's around 4.30pm
10.reach home, prepare to accompany parents to go out
Usually we get home around 9.30 - 10.15pm
Then sometimes I get to online for a while but yeah sometimes I get yelled at before I touch this machine in front of me. geramnya~

SO, tell me.
What do you think about how I spend my holidays?
Fun that I should be happy that it's holiday again?
I can't even go out for a date or go job hunting coz I've got one too many responsibilities.
Plus I grounded myself to not go out again because I can't get home on time.
It's hard if you need to catch a ride with someone else.
Which is why I got home late the other day, woke my mom up poor thing she could not sleep whole night.
So friends, I'm sorry but I can't hang out with you guys that often anymore.
Especially if we are to hang out around those kind of places.
And Sam, I'll go to your party but I gotta leave early k? Sorry gal.
I just feel so bad and I know you'll understand. You always do.

BSC Food Fair!!!!!

2009-07-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

Attention!

There will be a food fair at Blessed Sacrament Church compound, BDC on Sunday, 13th September 2009 at 7.30 am to 1.00 pm.

Be generous, help us to build more classrooms for the Sunday School students.

Lots of delicacies on sale that day. Don't miss it!

Those interested will need to buy coupons to purchase the food on sale.
You can buy from me or go straight to the Parish at BSC.
For more information feel free to email me at wendy90_maya@hotmail.com or contact me if you have my cell's number or leave a comment.
God Bless You!
. .
U

A glimpse of what I'm giving you

2009-07-17T04:08:00.000-07:00

Pour Princesa Audrey la Green Pig Land

I hereby declare that la package will be delivered within una month.
Me apologize Pour la delay. Will you perdone this servant Your Highness?

A glimpse of Su late birthday present

*Laugh out loud! Guess what it is?

A song for myself

2009-07-05T23:25:00.000-07:00

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

The Surface

2009-07-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not an average girl you see everyday
I'm not a typical college student, definitely not a usual Design student or whoever you see from time to time
I'm far from a spoiled brat
Most importantly I am who I am
And no one can change the way I am
You'll have to be me to know me
You can't judge me by what you see
What you see is just what's on the surface
It's what I want people to see.
You don't know me so don't act like you do

A Tribute to MJ

2009-06-29T00:50:00.000-07:00

"Michael Jackson was pronounced dead on 25th June 09 after paramedics found him in a coma following a panic-stricken phone call from the superstar's Los Angeles mansion.
Los Angeles Fire Department Capt. Steve Ruda responded to the alert and arrived at the home in Carolwood Drive off Sunset Boulevard to find the 50-year-old singer collapsed and not breathing. He had suffered a cardiac arrest.All his concerts have been cancelled"

Maybe not everyone liked him
Maybe not everyone adored him
But he used to be whom we listened to on the radio and watched on the tv
He used to be 1 of my favorite singer even though i only liked a few of his songs
But still he's left a legacy in the music industry
And in lots of his fans' hearts.

May God bless his soul

Rest in peace MJ

Where I Stood

2009-05-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

"Where I Stood"

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

meaningful eh?
Posted this for fun 'kay...
No pun intended

Understatement

2009-05-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

Lots of people ask me the same questions the past few days.
"WHY?" and "WHERE?" is the same ones that repeat.
I can't tell you enough to let u know my personal reasons but for better or for worse
I'm telling you now that i have my personal reasons why i am where i am right now doing whatever I'm doing not because i like it but because I have to.
I need to and I must okay.

Been counting lately,
turns out i have more friends than i expected but not much.
When I'm in distress I can't seem to find anyone to share it with.
Maybe because I'm lazy to tell.
Or maybe because there is nothing to tell.
I can't say I'm in pain or anything like that but i just feel troubled.
With myself.

Okaayy...
Now what?
I am very hungry.
I just wake up and my parents didn't buy any food.
I can't go out.
So i guess i just have to endure with it.
Starve till tomorrow.
Only if i can eat first thing in the morning when I'm out.
Huhuhu... But that is kind of impossible.
I've been gaining weight i know a lot of people agree with this but i can't do much about it.
I eat like how others eat.
Normal food some fat some not and normal portion sometimes even littler compare to others.
So why am i gaining weight?
My jeans getting tight because my ass and thigh got fatter something I can't say i don't like.
But seriously i don't know what to do.
My mom is complaining daily and constantly picking on me on this one.
I can't blame her i don't like getting fat too.
Any of you got any suggestion please let me know.
I'm currently living at somewhere I can't go exercise without waking up TOO early and drive out.
I am too poor to go to gym.
Too preoccupied to go anywhere especially day time.
When i finally get home I'll be too lazy to go out.
So exercising is seriously something i can't do.
I can't starve to diet since I read this article about how unhealthy it is.
So people! What else can I do?
Really, I'm open for suggestions.

F.E.A.R

2009-04-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

Felt like this? Can't fight back coz you're too small?

I tried something new.
It was not a hard decision.
Only observant people will find out something's unusual about me.
Added scars.
It was scary.
Somehow at that moment when i was doing what most emo kids do,
I finally understand why they made those choices.
I did because the pain was unbearable.
there were voices in my head I couldn't get a clear saying.
It was so scary.
It was a combination of all negative feelings and this is when all the negative thoughts and crazy ideas pop up in your head.
When you're holding yourself back, you heard someone talking to you.
You thought you must be crazy.
Coz there is no one else in the room.
It's just you.
You are ALONE.
Then you feel like it's departure time.
You feel like you are having the worst trouble in world.
You're holding it closer to your wrist.
Your chest.
Your stomach.
Your neck.
Now you're deciding where to let loose the pain.
You are afraid that it might hurt.
You eyed every corner thoroughly.
Make sure that there is nothing stopping you.

...............................................................

You know what happened.
Well here is as personal experience I'd like to share.
The above situation happened to me not too long ago.
It was caused by a long term kept feelings I was beating myself up for it.
I felt useless, hopeless, that kind of anger and disappointment.
You can never imagine unless you felt it.
There are times you thought you're strong.
Sometimes, you just feel so weak.
You're one too weak to fight.
Let me tell you something.
You're not crazy.
Everybody thinks you're nuts.
For even having the attempt.
It's just your fear trying to overwhelm you.
That's when Satan comes in.
Playing the heroic role.
Trying to save you from all the pain you're feeling.
By advising you doing things not a happy person would do.

O_o)|||Satan thinks he's Spiderman!

Just say or yell :"NO!"
It's true your pain is too much for you.
Have you ever thought of the one person who created us?
A.k.a. GOD?
He didn't give us life so we can end it anyhow we please.
He will never give us tests we can't pass.
Even if we only get a 'D', He would be happy.
If you think you are the most pitiful victim then shame on you.
You are just a pathetic loser who's afraid to choose or move.
He loves us. that is why he gives us tests to help us build up strong minds.
To remind us of how strong we could be if we at least try.
By taking the test, and trying your best to pass.
Even if you fail, you're also considered as a winner in his eyes.
Because you tried.
I offended Him by doing things i know i would regret in the future.
And the damage has been done.
It's in the past.
Now it's up to me to pick up from where i left off.
I wish I had more time.
But I know I did wrong.
Don't repeat after me.
Don't make yourself suffer from guilt.
Don't hurt yourself.
It hurts more to the people around you who felt so helpless not being able to help you.
We maybe weak, but we are not stupid.
God gave us power through His love.

Amen!

God is the real Superman,and He's perfect and not afraid of Kryptonite.

As usual

2009-04-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the submission day...
Yet I'm still doing my assignment slowly.
Actually I'm trying my best to speed up but this is the best i can do.
The requirement is minimum 20 pages I think I'm gonna just do till 20 pages.
I just finished my 12th pages.
Not very proud of myself of course.
If I started earlier I know I could have done better than this but what to do?
My brain usually only starts working at the very last minute.
Hehehe...
Most of my classmates, on 2nd thought, 75% of my classmates are not going to class tomorrow.
FYI, they are not gonna do their work coz they said they can't finish in time.
Okay so that was not a wise choice but they made up their mind.
As for me I can't and DON'T wanna fail without trying my best to pass.
Don't get me wrong i totally understand their circumstances.
It's just that I can't help but feel sorry for them.
They did not even have faith in themselves.
We were quite free in class today but nobody even thought of doing this assignment including me.
Instead we kept talking, walking around and playing.
If only I did at least something in class earlier then i would be able to rest early tonight.
Bad news is my dad just told me that i gotta get up early tomorrow morning coz we are going to the firm to sign some documents for the house.
I planned to pull an all-nighter tonight to finish my work if possible, and print out my work at Centrepoint 1st thing in the morning.
After what my dad told me I'm not even sure if i can make it to the class for presentation.
Aiyo... I'm freaking sleepy now but i gotta get back to work.
Just blogging to distract myself from work and relax a lil' bit.

I'm something like this right now only less cute and more human

Wish me luck, I have to, I need to, I must finish everything tonight.
God bless me. <(=.=''')>

never ending problems... it's endless...

2009-04-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

The front page news

Problems... Problems...
And problems...
Lately it seems like everyone is not very in luck...
Many people around me (minus me of course i'm always having problems, unsolved ones)
are facing their inner fear... and worse, their decisions are not as wise as before too.
All these got me thinking.
I'm reaching 20 soon, what have i done so far?
Meaning to say what have i achieved?
Besides passing my UPSR, PMR and SPM with only fair result, what else did i actually achieved?
Nothing actually.
As if failing in my ***E life isn't enough, i now find my H***T closed.
Not even for a tiny bit room for a C***H or what people called H*** U*... wth...
.......................................
One of my best friends is having trouble letting go and settling down.
I can't help but wonder how to help her.
But there's only so much i can do; comforting her and calm her.
At this point of time i felt useless.
Herm...
Any idea why I'm feeling this anyone?
I for myself i don't understand much but i do know one thing.
That is if i don't sleep now I'm gonna be toast and if i don't keep myself from my laptop I'm never gonna continue my assignments.

RRRRRRRaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that's just for fun. HEHE...
LMHO... definitely sounds better than LMAO.=p
Kill me if ya hate me.

Realize

2009-03-31T23:16:00.000-07:00

"Nothing is more important than family.
Nothing is more important than friends.
Nothing is more important than yourself."

All these lines are very common and we always hear them or even say them.
But when it comes to a condition where you have to only make one choice;
to choose the most important.

The question is who will you choose?
Which one is the most important to you?

Which one is the best choice?
Which one will i choose?
For now, i don't know.

Frustrated! Annoyed! Very Irritated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-26T19:31:00.000-08:00

What the heck?

Everyone did what they could but you are still not satisfied?

What do you expect?

In case you have no idea who I'm talking about.

Here's who.

It's someone at college.

Yes he's a guy.

And he is old.

If only we can stuff shoes into his mouth.

So hard to talk might as well don't talk at all.

ISH!!!!!!!!!

GERAMNYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We did what we could already what more you want?

You should be grateful we are doing what you asked.

Not returning us that LOOK!

Observe and Analysis yourself in the mirror before you start to criticize others!

OPEN YOUR EYES WIDER!!!!!

OPEN YOUR MIND!!!!!

You've turn all of us into rages.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do Not Question The Unanswered

2009-02-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

Something i wrote not too long ago in my notebook...

Since you've been gone
I feel like a breeze
I feel like a bird
For the first time in my life,
I felt a huge burden released from my tiny shoulders.
I can never be thankful enough,
This is what we need.
Spaces and freedom.
Something that's been missing
Too bad you can't see
How good I am doing.
But I hope you feel the same
That's the only way
For both of us
To live our life the way we should
Something we should have done
Long, long time ago
Thanks to you
I will never blame you
Nor hate you
Coz it's the best way
For you and me.

Love is...
A dramatic movie
An imaginative mind
An artistic drawing
A friendly couple
A creative feeling
A fresh start
Sometimes,
Love is...
A pain in the ass
An additional burden
A horrible nightmare
An obvious damage
A great infection
But,
In the end...
We all know
Love is certain PHASE
that we all have to go through
in our lives.
It affects what we do,
feel and think.
Conclusion?
Love is all.

Taking a walk around
Alone down the streets
I felt invisible
Nobody knows me.
Look around and see all the strange faces
Whom i don't even know
I felt empty
And nobody knows me.
Cats preying dogs barking
Kids running parents talking
I felt peaceful
But nobody knows that.
On my way home
Along this empty street full of trees
I felt like home
I hope somebody know that.
Entering my house
Empty rooms and simply furnished
I felt lonely
Because nobody knows.

R.U.N.A.W.A.Y.

2009-02-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

Questions...

And questions...

Still...

Questions...

Can't anyone give me some answers?

Why everyone seemed so puzzled and the finger points back at me?

So what?

I am the resource?

I should know everything?

Why the sudden urge to ask for things that is not even yours that you don't even have the right to ask for it?

Why?

Life is hard

2009-01-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

those random feelings left
since the day i posted my last post.
but
there is another combination of feeling.
negative ones.
i feel so down,
recently i've been hanging out a lot with my besties.
this is why my mom got mad at me
and bash me up for no reason,
insults me daily,
curse and hurt me physically every single fucking freaking day.
sometimes i wonder if i could just leave this family and this house
be alone and walk away.
start things all over again.
i am actually wishing something stupid.
i know if i have told some of my friends they will lecture me off my head
for even thought of it but i really can't stand living my life like this.
i need a way out.
last year i was a wreck after the breakup.
but this year so far i feel like a wreck because of family problems and endless issues.
i hate myself for being as weak as i am right now.
i hope i can just leave all these behind and start from the beginning.
i want a new life.
i want to change.
meet the real and new me world.
i want all those who once looked down at me to realize that they were wrong.
and regret for what they did to me.
because i will help them to remember me. it's payback time guys!

New Year

2009-01-01T03:19:00.000-08:00

Everyone I know went out or stayed home with their family for the countdown last night.
Funny thing was, before 12am my other family members fell asleep already.
Left me alone watching NTV7.
After that i went to sleep.
I didn't know what time I started dreaming.
I know it wasn't long but it felt like forever...
It was a weird and unusual dream.
But the person who wanted to tell me something that I've been dying to know fades away when my tears started to fall.
I tried to hold on to the dream but i felt like being pulled back to reality.
Before I realize I was awake, I was curling up in my blanket, crying hard.
I tried to control my tears but i couldn't.
There is no word I could use to describe my feelings that I felt.
I don't understand what was the message of my dream.
Great, just what I needed.
A new year that starts with tears.
I really hope I know how, why and what.
If possible, I wish that this year will help me know.
Because last year helped me grow.
What do I get from all these?
I get to know this cruel world better.
I get to know that certain species are not worth my care, my attention, my love.

Not Much

2008-12-24T02:04:00.000-08:00

Holiday is ending and i didn't even rest well.
Christmas is so near but it doesn't feel like Christmas this time.
I wonder what's missing.
Maybe it's nothing, or maybe it's just me.
Here I am again thinking of how different things would be if we were still together.
But! Life goes on, it doesn't just stop because someone died or someone left.
Agnes was right, "hidup tak berhenti hanya karena dirimu".
So wherever,whomever,whenever...
It's my feelings that matters.
To assure that, i might do something less expected.
Something a lot of people will find it hard to figure out,
and when they do they might think i'm stupid.
Actually, no i'm not. It's actually the best way i could think of so far.
Something my mom said earlier reminds me of him.
Yeah3 i know Audrey why think of him but really i can't help it.
To tell you the truth i never stopped thinking. Of him.
I hope i can just erase H.I.M of my mind but he's a part of my past.
I can't just wash him off. The same goes to him, as much as he would ever wanna forget me, i am his past. Nothing could ever change that.
Unless someone created a time portal or maybe a time machine then maybe we could change something.
Or even better if we could just buy an eraser and erase bad memories.
Either way, i would like to do something that leaves a question mark to the rest and also a full stop to everything.
I don't think it's a wrong decision.
I wanna know if this puts an end to all my undone business and answers all my questions.
Wish me luck.

And to end this post,
I would like to wish everyone,

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Holiday!!! Yay!

2008-12-04T07:27:00.001-08:00

After this week I'll be free!
Or at least for 1 week. Because Will said our test is on the week after next...
but it's just gonna be drawing, no need to study. Piece of cake.

Then...............
I'll be totally free!
Minus the fact that I'm gonna be my mom's driver though.
Now you see my life is so easy without all the little details.
From far, i look perfectly happy and relaxed.
But for those who really know me, they will see all the facts.

Like one of my friends said i looked happy with my PREVIOUS relationship.
Though when she get to know me, she realized that there were more than meets the eyes.
Because people only see what they want to see.
They never really look and observe...
Which is why we always have loose ends.

So, Christmas is finally coming...
And I'm really looking forward to celebrate it with people i care most.
And a surprise for some people though... HEHEHE
Well, it might not mean anything to them but it does mean something to me.
Something old, something new;
Something borrowed, something blue...
In this case i don't think it should be borrowed.
I seriously doubt if anyone knows about me being so...
So... So... So...... Like what I'm doing right now you know...
The thing i do best the best thing i do....
Bla... Bla... Bla...

More details in my new post.
Further information just call me.
When i say call i meant phone calls please don't yell my name in your room or wherever it is you're at. >.< 2 songs I'm currently listening to.
I've got them stuck in my head like a remix...
Darn...

Hilary Duff's Jingle Bell Rock and Pussycat Dolls' I Hate This Part Right Here.

"Jingle Bell Rock"
Hilary Duff

Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock
Jingle bell swing
And jingle bells ring
Snowin' and blowin'
Up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle bell, jingle bell
Jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime in
Jingle bell time
Dancin' and prancin'
In jingle bell square
In the frosty air

What a bright time
It's the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle bell, time
Is a swell time
To go glidin' in a
one horse sleigh

Giddy-up, jingle horse
Pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and mingle
In a jinglin' beat
That's the jingle bell rock

"I Hate This Part Right Here"
Pussycat Dolls

We're driving slow through the snow on 5th Avenue
And right now radio's all that we can hear
That we ain't talk since we left, it's so over due
It's cold outside but between us

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's lefts good-bye
To find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday, seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now before we go to sleep
But will you sleep once I tell you

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's lefts good-bye
To find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like northing's wrong
But there is no more time for lies
'Cause i see sunset in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's lefts good-bye
To find a way that I can tell you

That I gotta do it,
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it
I hate this part
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it,
I gotta do it

I hate this part right here
And I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here

sigh*
I really need to get back to work.
Please God help me finish all my work in time.
And help my friends too.
Thanks, Amen!

Here is another wallie.

2008-12-01T02:41:00.001-08:00

This is actually 1 that i created before the previous wallie that i posted.
Let me know what do you think about it. Thanks.

Want to know me? can...

2008-12-01T02:28:00.001-08:00

According to your age (18), list down the number of things that most people don't know about you. And then tag 5 people.

i
i a
i am
i am a
i am a g
i am a gi
i am a gir
i am a girl
i am a gir
i am a gi
i am a g
i am a
i am
i a
i
=
=.
=.=

I don't feel like tagging anyone.
Because i know pretty much about my 18 years old friends already.
If i don't they'll tell me eventually.
Sorry i don't infect people.
Eh??? Now that sounded weird...
Hmmmmm......

Awaiting...

2008-11-30T05:35:00.001-08:00

A lil' something i did few weeks ago...
I was bored and inspired by someone very creative...
So here it is my not-so-nice but so-far-the-best Smallville wallpaper.
Actually hoping to know what will this creative and inspiring person think about it.
And i posted it. Any better ideas are welcomed to share.

I know that for some reasons my friends are going to say 'Hey why are you so obsessed with the Smallville thing it's about Superman don't you think it's kind of for KIDS?' I'm gonna say,'I don't know i just happen to like it so if you dislike it just deal with it cause nothing is gonna change my mind about it and it's not a crime.' LOL!
Smallville is not childish and surprisingly i actually learned a few useful stuff from it.
Don't hate me. I'm just a fan.
Gwen is gonna say 'bedau'. I know you're laughing.

Are you?

2008-11-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

equals

Perfecto!

random feelings of mine... i hope they can just go away.

sometimes i feel like you're watching, from far... but are you?
sometimes i feel like you're comforting, from far... but are you?
sometimes i felt your touch of care, from the past...
but could it be that i was just fantasizing?

or maybe it was just the cold wind all along....
trying to whisper me in the ear...
i truly don't know, all i know is that...
we are strangers in another time and town.

i sometimes feel as if these are all just a dream...
which i will wake up from and get out of this dreamland soon.
but i know this is reality because i just pinched myself and it hurts.

either way, we are even now.
we made each other rules. rules that neither you nor i can break.
we made promises to ourselves, which we will keep.
because we have something in common.
we can never hate each other, because there is no reason to do so.
we can't stop thinking, how to undo some things in the past. only different things.

4 thing you don't have for sure...
faith i had before things ended;
words i kept before things happened;
wishes i made to make things work;
lastly, wars i had within myself before you decided.

love at first sight is the first to end.
love in the end conquers all.

love is a package that comes with 2 important feelings; sweet and bitter.
sometimes it's sweet; sometimes it's bitter. but most of the time its both.

Volkswagen Beetle

2008-11-20T04:17:00.001-08:00

I was going to draw The Spring for my Drawing 1 assignment.
I took photos of The Spring already.
Then, before i could show them to William our lecturer, he decided for me to draw a car.
Not just any car but my dream car! Or the classic edition.
A Volkswagen Beetle 1302.
He said that it's a better to draw that than The Spring so okay lo...
So, today Will, Gwen and I follow Sam's car to the car owner's shop.
Will and Gwen ate barbequed pork rice. I was drinking Sarsi with cincau, Sam was drinking chrysanthemum tea, Will drank Coca Cola, and Gwen drank Barley.
I waited patiently for Will to finish his lunch and ask for the tauke's permission.
So below are some shots that i snapped.

Left back view

Left back view 2

Front side view

Left eye of the beetle

Front view

Full front view

Interior

We need to draw the best 5 of all the shots on an A1 illustration board.
How should i start? I wonder.
2 weeks to finish it and i haven't even bought the illustration board and pencils.
I didn't even finish my 2 previous drawing which is the Waterfront Square tower and a tree at the Reservoir park. OMG... How am i suppose to finish all these in time?
sigh* ~

Anyways, credits for Will, here's a nice shot that he snapped for me.
The perfect shot;
Right eye of the beetle

19th November 2008

2008-11-20T03:08:00.000-08:00

Was at town that morning, our car parked in front of the Kuching Scuba Centre.
We were all in the car, all of a sudden "PPPIIIIIAAAAAANNNGGG!!!!!!".
A beer bottle hit our driver seat window.
Thank God that our window didn't break, just a few scratches.

Dad and i got out of the car.
We were furious... Because everyone in the car was shocked.
There was this car, just parked in.

The driver was kinda fat, a Chinese, wearing spec, my dad looked at him and mouthed a sentence something like "do you know what happened?" or maybe "did you see where did the bottle came from?".
He shook his head so fast that his fat chin was shaking along.
We looked around and everyone was looking at our way.
Didn't seem to be from the upstairs cause all the windows were closed and i was thinking that maybe it was that fat guy that hit the damn bottle and it hit our window.
So we got back in the car.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dad reversed the car and parked it in front of the opposite shops.
We observed the scene carefully trying to figure out a better explanation.
We got out of the car again and asked the eye witnesses. They were some taxi drivers drinking coffee at the kopitiam.
They told us that that fat guy hit the bottle when he parked his car and it hit us.
What a coward. Just admit that it was him and apologize or something won't harm what?

What happened to our society?
This kind of people getting more and more.
It's because of these people we get hurt so many times.
Dare to do but don't dare to admit.
That's why they can never improve.
They either stay where they are forever or they go backwards while we should be moving forward.
It wasn't entirely his fault though, it was the irresponsible person that started all these.
That person shouldn't have thrown the bottle there.
It could be a potential cause to many problems, serious damages.
First it hit our car.
2nd when people couldn't see the bottle because they were carrying things when they walk,
they might fall down by stepping on the bottle, things will fall out of that victim's hands and to the road.
Cars from behind will try to avoid those stuff and knock other cars or worse, people.
There, a road full of accidents.

So people, please be aware of every single thing you do.
Your one time of selfishness might lead to many unwanted events.
Think before you do.

Pangako Sa Yo... One of my favourite old songs...

2008-11-17T06:57:00.001-08:00

not that old actually...
a few years back then...
when i was in form 1?
guess so. i like the series and fell in love with the song.
so wanna share it with you guys.
hope you enjoy it.
xoxo

A picture that says a million...

2008-11-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

i was looking through some pictures, wanted to delete those that i don't need anymore...
and i found this, decided to post it. here it is.
just by looking at it, i feel protected.
as if their love and care shielding them from the rain; nothing could ever break them apart.
i found a feeling that i haven't felt for a while.

AAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-16T05:49:00.001-08:00

i hate it when it does that to me!
bothers me that it happens at the very last minute when i really need it to work!
it's my printer.
it's still so damn new not even a scratch on it. not it just gives me headaches when i need it!
God help me please!
it won't print,somebody save me?
last time i checked it could still print a few pages on trial.
but tonight when i try to print my work it just can't!
i've connected everything and checked every possibilities but it can't seem to work.
what is wrong with it?

the stupid window keep popping up and says "printer not ready to print" but it could photocopy?
OMG! i'm freaking out here. anyone knows about this printer problem stuff help me out k.
i don't wanna send it off to some shops that can't fix it but swallowed my new ink catridges.

I'm Moving On...

2008-11-13T05:23:00.001-08:00

Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I have been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days aren't gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

sweetsweetcandy

2008-11-13T03:59:00.000-08:00

I'm Okay

The years that I have known you
I have learnt just this
There are no failures, just setbacks
In the lives we live

So through the hopelessness
I am feeling now
I know that I must never
Stay fallen on the ground

No matter how desperately
I wish to fall from here
I know that I must always
Stay and persevere

While I keep this struggle
I know that I will lie
But I will also solve
Instead of asking why

And when I’m hit to ground
I will get up again
I won’t give up this fight
Till my heart is mend

And when I see you next
I know I will forgive
The flaws that lie within you
The life which you must live

There are no failures, just setbacks
I remember you this way
So all I do is breathe
And remember I’m okay.

i would like to credit sweetsweetcandy for creating this poem.

these are just a few stanzas that i copy paste from the site.

i like it because it reflects my feelings..

anyway,

hope you like it.=)

A Song...

2008-11-13T03:46:00.001-08:00

tribute to my feelings... i'm kinda empty now... here's a song for everyone...

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What I Did,Doing,Will Do...

2008-11-13T03:25:00.000-08:00

recently,family been in some issues. but it's all over,can't be sure if it's gonna stay this way...
though,i'm still standing after everything. i'm glad i could be this strong. at least strong enough to let those around me become strong.
yeah,i thought of him. i never deleted our photos. even his messages are still in my inbox.
i tried to delete all of them,but i couldn't. not that i didn't want to,but i just couldn't. i miss him.
or in other words,i miss us. i read his messages and for a moment there i felt as if we were still together. a while later, i realized that i was just fantasizing. things couldn't be more real,he's gone. along with his father's soul. he brought my love along. he ended it the cruel way. which is good,i couldn't cry. thanks to him,i shed only a few tears the day he said it's over. after that hour,i couldn't shed anymore tears for him. thanks to my friends,they been supporting me. thanks to my mom,she's been cooperative. thanks to my family,aunties,uncles,and cousins,they gave me reasons to move on.i'm getting over us better each day. i was angry. but not anymore. it takes 10 times of energy to be angry and to build hatred but it only takes 1 time of energy to be happy,so what's to fuss?
i couldn't ask for more. this is what i need.
my only wish for him? hope he's happy with his new life and that he won't forget to pray.

Hi everyone...

2008-11-13T03:11:00.000-08:00

hi,this is the first time i blog...
why? because most of my friends blog so i'm giving it a try.
seems like fun...
if there is any mistake at all,please don't mind me.
qing duo duo zhi jiao... hehe